hiraki_shinpi

Another year's come and past. Here's to hoping this year's better then the last.

Been spending the last 2 hours since I woke up working on getting my data back. Go figure it seems worst case scenario happened, my storage drive's MFT [b][u]and[/u][/b] MFT backup both got corrupted somehow, so here I am trying to brute force my way back to at least recover my music and picture folders. the rest I can re-download fairly easily.

Just got done with a shitty night at work, get home turn on my computer to check my mail and shit. Turns out my slave drive (which housed ALL my music, movies, anime, games, pictures) decided to become corrupt. Windows is still detecting them but chkdsk is saying that it's unable to determine volume version and state. meh ~_~ I don't think I have the heart to continue even fucking using my comp if it means having to replace 80+ gigs of music (most of which is hard to find now). Anyone got any tips for recovering data from a corrupt HDD that doesn't involve paying money for a program or for a company to do so?

God... Insomnia is a bitch... Over the past 4 days I've gotten a grand total of 4 hours of sleep. It's not due to it being loud in my apartment, or just not having time for sleep. I'll get tired, lay down to fall asleep, then wake up about an hour later and won't be able to get back to sleep. My co-workers and roomate tell me I look like total hell right now and I'm inclined to believe them with how I feel. Anyone out there got any ideas on how to get to sleep (minus chugging nyquil or buying other drugs). I'm starting to get disparate here.

Meh... Getting so fed up with the weather this year... For the past 2 months it's went from freezing conditions, to mid 80s, to cold and rainy, and back to freezing multiple times... Right now it's cold and raining, close to freezing rain. When just yesterday it was mid 70s... And the day before that it was actually snowing... God I'm tired of this... My sinus's can't take this anymore....


In other news. I hate the government here more and more with every passing day... This is the second year in a row that the government refuses to help me pay for my college. Evidently because I was responsible and didn't fuck everything with 2 legs and a vag and knock some random hooker up, or made the mistake of getting married before having life straightened out, they've decided I'm not worthy of assistance to pay for my classes. This is despite the fact that I'm BELOW the poverty level according to their own standards (I made 11k last year). Despite that they claim I'm still a dependant on my parents. NOTE THAT I HAVEN'T LIVED WITH THEM SINCE I WAS 17 (I'm 22 now)!! Hell they don't even live in the same part of the country as I do. They haven't even claimed me on their taxes since I was 17. It's fucking retarded that this government will give all the money in the world to fucktards who sleep around and get knocked up or knock some random girl up, KNOWING THEY'LL PROBABLY DROP OUT AFTER ONE FUCKING SEMESTER. Yet tell the guy who legitimantly wants to better his life "Tough shit, make your parents pay for it.". I've tried explaining to them that even though my parents *do* make quite a bit of money that they're completely unwilling to give me assistance in paying for anything (long story I don't feel like going into). I'm tempted just to fucking lie to them and tell them my parents are dead just so i can actually do something meaningful with my life other then just work sleep and barely make the money to eat and pay the bills.

Well just got home from D&D. Overall a good first session. Spell thief is definitely working better then I thought it would (mainly because I can steal spells from the wizard in the group and cast them with his save DCs and cast level). However I almost lost my character in the first combat to a bodack's gaze attack (make the will save or die). Luckly after the roll the DM clarified that it was a charisma based will save (charisma modifier instead of wisdom) and thus we got to reroll.

And now I'm pretty exhausted and getting ready to get some sleep.

Finally back to playing D&D after what feels like WAY too long. The group I played with decided recently we all wanted to play again, so we burst out the 3.5 books and started planning. Feels kinda nice to have something to do on Friday nights again.

In other news, my quest to save money to move when the lease is up was a failure... Too many things came up and when it came time to resign I just couldn't logically move without too great of a risk. So that plans on hold for at least another year >_>

On the bright side the only expenses I have at the moment other then rent is however much it costs me to fix my truck and renew my tags. After that I'll be free to just stockpile money.

It's really starting to feel like the "bad luck" that I tend to have is self caused. I've noticed an interesting trend over the past year, perhaps longer then that. In any case... I've noticed that a great deal of time I seem to just purposely make the wrong decision for something that comes up. I'll know I should do one thing, but for some reason or another I just decide to do the stupid thing that ends up fucking me over.

Like I told myself when I moved into this apartment a year ago that I was going to spend the year I was locked into the lease saving up so I could move from this shithole of a city. A year later and I'm resigning the lease because I decided that i was going to blow every spare penny I had on stuff I definitely could have done without. Not only that I blew my tax return which I *was* going to fix my trucks transmission with on a new monitor, chair, and video card for my computer. Go figure I made the stupid choice despite knowing that I needed to fix my truck.

Meh


~Shinpi

Just finished getting registered for my classes today. Actually looking forward to the spring.

Finally got my new parts for my computer ordered now I play the waiting game... I suck at this game...

Well got my new PSU today, popped it in, now it seems another problem's come up. Looks like my mobo's dead. Kind of saw it coming, but this means even longer of not having much to do.

You know I never realized how much I rely on my desktop PC to keep me occupied. This past week without it has been pure torture. So bored without my games to play. Makes me wish I could just hibernate till my new PSU comes in.

Fucking knew I should have just gotten a single 1 room apartment instead of a 2 room with a roommate.

On his own my roommate's not a bad guy, one of my better friends up here. He has a massive superiority complex and an ego even larger then my own, but these are things that are easy enough to deal with.

No the real problem is the fact that 4 to 5 days out of EVERY WEEK his annoying as hell girlfriend is over all day and all night. I brought the fact up to him that if she's going to be over that much (he even gave her a copy of the house key without my permission) eating food and using electricity then she should be paying 1/3 of the rent. Everyone I've brought it up to has thus far agreed with that logic. BUT NO! evidently me suggesting that is me being jealous that he has a girlfriend and I don't. So fucking sick of his shit.

wee.. it's time once again for my bi-yearly sinus infection!

hate being sick I hate having to work sick even more though ~_~

I got my tongue pierced last night. Without a doubt more painful then getting my tattoo.

Meh, I don't even know where to start...

I was speaking with my best friend today while he was in class, and it turns out USC where he's in his last semester of college is evidently getting an exchange program to japan, which prompted him to contemplate forgoing graduating this semester to spend a half a year in japan for just the cost of his tuition.

Now the hook.

For anyone that really talks to me on even a semi normal basis you know that I'm working on getting back to school to get my bach. in International Business with language specialization in Chinese and Japanese. USC has one of the best International business programs in the country. Thus my delema.

I currently live in Illinois... USC is in South Carolina. I HATED living in South Carolina. I hated the environment, I hated the people, I hated the attitude. That's not to say it's that much different here but it's quite noticeable the difference. I really want to get the best education i can and the only place I've found in Illinois that offers my major as well as the languages I need is a rather small college that I only barely found while doing research. Moving back to SC to go to college seems like it'd be the smartest move for me in the long run but I honestly don't think I could stand to be back down in that type of an environment. It's driving me insane and keeping me from enjoying one of the few days I have off from work.

Was reading a few journal entries for some friends of mine on their myspace, and I came across one who quoted another journal entry that he himself was linked to by someone else. I'm not sure who the original poster was, but if I knew I'd really like to shake his hand. Before I continue any further, here's the post.

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

To you simple and pathetic women who wonder:

Why there's that void in your lives, left unexamined by a general lack of competent introspection and self actualization.

I have an article for you, it's from the best of craigslist:

What Happened to all the Nice Guys?

I see this question posted with some regularity in the personals section, so I thought I'd take a minute to explain things to the ladies out there that haven't figured it out.

What happened to all the nice guys?

The answer is simple: you did.

See, if you think back, really hard, you might vaguely remember a Platonic guy pal who always seemed to want to spend time with you. He'd tag along with you when you went shopping, stop by your place for a movie when you were lonely but didn't feel like going out, or even sit there and hold you while you sobbed and told him about how horribly the (other) guy that you were fucking treated you.

At the time, you probably joked with your girlfriends about how he was a little puppy dog, always following you around, trying to do things to get you to pay attention to him. They probably teased you because they thought he had a crush on you. Given that his behavior was, admittedly, a little pathetic, you vehemently denied having any romantic feelings for him, and buttressed your position by claiming that you were "just friends." Besides, he totally wasn't your type. I mean, he was a little too short, or too bald, or too fat, or too poor, or didn't know how to dress himself, or basically be or do any of the things that your tall, good-looking, fit, rich, stylish boyfriend at the time pulled off with such ease.

Eventually, your Platonic buddy drifted away, as your relationship with the boyfriend got more serious and spending time with this other guy was, admittedly, a little weird, if you werent dating him. More time passed, and the boyfriend eventually cheated on you, or became boring, or you realized that the things that attracted you to him weren't the kinds of things that make for a good, long-term relationship. So, now, you're single again, and after having tried the bar scene for several months having only encountered players and douche bags, you wonder, "What happened to all the nice guys?"

Well, once again, you did.

You ignored the nice guy. You used him for emotional intimacy without reciprocating, in kind, with physical intimacy. You laughed at his consideration and resented his devotion. You valued the aloof boyfriend more than the attentive "just-a-" friend. Eventually, he took the hint and moved on with his life. He probably came to realize, one day, that women aren't really attracted to guys who hold doors open; or make dinners just because; or buy you a Christmas gift that you mentioned, in passing, that you really wanted five months ago; or listen when you're upset; or hold you when you cry. He came to realize that, if he wanted a woman like you, he'd have to act more like the boyfriend that you had. He probably cleaned up his look, started making some money, and generally acted like more of an asshole than he ever wanted to be.

Fact is, now, he's probably getting laid, and in a way, your ultimate rejection of him is to thank for that. And I'm sorry that it took the complete absence of "nice guys" in your life for you to realize that you missed them and wanted them. Most women will only have a handful of nice guys stumble into their lives, if that.

So, if you're looking for a nice guy, here's what you do:

1.) Build a time machine.
2.) Go back a few years and pull your head out of your ass.
3.) Take a look at what's right in front of you and grab ahold of it.

I suppose the other possibility is that you STILL don't really want a nice guy, but you feel the social pressure to at least appear to have matured beyond your infantile taste in men. In which case, you might be in luck, because the nice guy you claim to want has, in reality, shed his nice guy mantle and is out there looking to unleash his cynicism and resentment onto someone just like you.

If you were five years younger.

So, please: either stop misrepresenting what you want, or own up to the fact that you've fucked yourself over. You're getting older, after all. It's time to excise the bullshit and deal with reality. You didn't want a nice guy then, and he certainly doesn't fucking want you, now.

Sincerely,

A Recovering Nice Guy.

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This guy hit the nail right on the head, I 100% agree with him, and I can honestly say that I'm MUCH more of an asshole now then i was 5 years ago back in high school. In my experience being a nice guy just doesn't work, thus I unconsciously changed my behavior and attitude slowly. I never really noticed it till more recently honestly. Have more to talk about, but that will have to wait till later today. I need to shower then get to sleep. Errands to run later before work.


~Shinpi

Often late at night while I'm sitting in my room after exhausting my list of games to play, I find myself thinking of many things that I normally don't give a second thought to. My social life for instance. I'm quite content most of the time to just hang out at my place and play MMOs with friends I had before I moved. That's not to say I don't get out every now and then, I rather enjoy going to the pool hall with my D&D group. But I find myself wondering why no matter how hard I try I just can't seem to enjoy the kind of things that people my age normally do. I don't enjoy going to clubs, bars, just cruising. It drives me near insane that it feels like I haven't grown up at all over the years despite me having grown more mature and responsible....

I think it's even affecting my would be love life... My standards are too high I'm afraid I expect too much out of a person and end up disappointed... I want someone to accept me for all that I am, yet somehow i don't think I'm able to reciprocate the same expectation upon someone... I don't want to change for anyone's sake, but I often find myself wanting to change others behaviors to benefit myself... I guess I'm just selfish like that. There is one girl that I really like that when I'm with her I feel like I could conquer the entire world... Like anythings possible, but she lives a quarter of a country away now, and I have no desire to return to that part of the world... It almost killed me mentally the years I spent there.

I find myself suddenly remember dreams that I had weeks ago, most of them bringing tears to my eyes remembering them... As much as I'd love to remember my dreams, they seem to only be sad ones that I have... Ones of a life I wish with all my heart that I could have yet is unobtainable... Almost like a higher power is taunting me, teasing me for the horrid luck that befalls me. For every one good thing that happens to me I've had at least 5 things go horribly wrong. At first I was a little skeptical about the entire thing just thought "shit happens" and that was that... but over the past 2 or 3 years it's been like clockwork. For example I just got a new job, and the same day I got called back, 2 of my tires blew out, my truck got stuck in the ice, the hood latch broke, and on top of that I busted my head open on the ice.

I find myself often wishing that I could just go to sleep and live in my dreams, where I'm actually truly happy. I've been thinking more and more about something a friend of mine said to me a month or so ago. I realized I do tend to push all but the closest of my friends away from me... I guess I'm just trying to keep people away so they don't have a chance to hurt me... I have a rather large problem opening up to anyone but my 2 best friends Jeremy and Mike. The two of them have stuck with me despite how much of a bastard I've been to them or how much trouble I got them in. Even the girl I think I love I don't think I could really open up to her... I keep thinking that somehow I'll screw things up and be back in a worse place.

I try so hard to put on a strong face to everyone. I don't like to make others worry about me... I've got a good head on my shoulders and two strong legs, I just need to get up and use them... The way i come off to people is a strong willed independent person... I really wish that were true... There's many times I wish i just had someone with me to just hold and cry a little with. Sounds a little stupid but it's true. I always seem to just bottle everything up inside of myself till I'm home alone. Many nights I find myself crying uncontrollably. I hate it.

I feel like such a failure when I get to thinking. By my age I was supposed to be on my last year of college... What ever happened to that? Oh that's right I ruined that one too.... I'm 21, I'm near broke, I have a shitty job, nothing really going for me other then my characters on MMOs I play. Definatly not where I saw myself at this age. I hate it...
/endemo

Well got my license back and whatnot got that straightened out. Now it seems I'm having trouble finding a job. It's not the people calling back that has me worried. I've kept a rather positive outlook going about this. It's the fact that it seems every day it's getting harder and harder for me to actually go out and deal with people outside of the internet. If i had to call it anything I'd think I'm starting to suffer from social anxiety, but I really don't think that's the problem... Up until about 4 months ago I was always fine, I enjoyed going out and doing various things. Now it's a challenge for my friends to even convince me to go to the arcade for a few hours...

And on top of all this if i can't find a job soon I won't have a place where i can live... and my mom surprisingly enough after hearing about my money issues via my sister told me she wants me to move back to SC and live with her... I can't do that though... That'd be like admitting to my step dad that he was right... That i don't have what it takes to make it on my own... I know i can... I just have some really bad luck with things in my eyes.... Maybe I'm just being too proud and should suck it up and take them up on the offer. It's maddening just thinking about things such as this really....

/endmindlessbabbling

Alright... So since i can't afford legal advice from an actual lawyer I figured I may as well try LJ amongst other places.

Alright so here's what happened. Near the beginning of 07 I got a ticket for driving without insurance. Not that big of a deal I payed the court fees and got insurance the night of the ticket. They didn't throw the case out... Annoying but doable. Anyways months go by after I get my licence back. Time comes to renew my licence earlier this year and I find out that EVIDNTLY my license had been suspended unbeknown to me. They had never notified me I had to have my insurance company send in an SR-22, nor did I even know such a thing existed.

Yet again not that huge of a deal, I get home I contact my insurace company and within 24 hours get the SR-22 forms sent to the state office. they fax me my copy and all is cool. 4 days go by I figure the suspension is cleared and I'm on my way to go renew my license. I make a cut through an alleyway for a shortcut and an undercover cop car pulls me over because OBVIOUSLY I was dealing drugs.

Of course nothing was found after they tore my truck apart searching it. Now's where I got caught off guard. They notify me that I'm being taken to jail for... *drum roll please* driving on a suspended license. This made me think "WHAT THE FUCK!" so I spend 4 hours in jail while the person who paid my bail came. During this time I was subject to a strip search despite me cooperating and being very polite.

They also take my license and tell me I have to go to court... Now this happened about 2 and a half weeks ago. And the court date isn't till november 7th. How the fuck am i supposed to get to and from work without a license?

Now the questions.

1) Think there's any way for me to get a permit to drive to and from work (well find a new job now I got fired thanks to lack of transportation =D) before my court date.

2) What are the chances of them dropping the charges since at the time of the arrest I had in my car and the cops saw proof of insurance since the day of the original ticket to now. AND the faxed SR-22 copy signed and dated.